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Street Food Home Introduction Louisville, KY Cedar Rapids Chicago Denmark Plano/Dallas/Fort Worth Richmond, VA Singapore Hawker Centres The Rules Teh Tarik / Turkish Ice Cream Chinatown Bugis Market Laksa Farewell Trenton, NJ San Antonio, TX India Introduction Bottled Water Roadside Coconut New York City Nashville, TN Olympia, WA	New York City The Rules India was easier. New York City was a goddamn challenge. I lived there for a year, initially couch surfing in Brooklyn, Queens, and Washington Heights, while I looked for a place, then living in the Bronx. First, let’s look at The Rules for NYC. If you have access to a bathroom, use it. This is absolutely the most important rule of NYC. You do not know when the next chance will be. Most businesses have combination locks on their bathrooms, to keep the homeless out. Ignore their crying and whining about junkies shooting up, it’s a lot more rare than everybody thinks. Bathroom locks are just capitalism refusing to allow people to attend to body functions without paying for it. New York City builds subway stations with no bathroom access from the platform, and then complains that the subway stations all smell like piss. They build neighborhoods with no alleys and then complain about the garbage being piled on the sidewalk for pickup. NYC makes most of its own problems. If you are at a fast food place, and you need to pee before you stand in the line, look for the hijabi behind the counter and tell her you need to wash. She'll give you the door code. Note that failure to turn back up and buy something is a massive faux pas. Do not abuse her faith or her trust. Do not buy street food within five blocks of Times Square. First, you'll pay tourist prices for it. Second, either it's bougied up with truffle oil or some shit, or it sucks. The dollar pizza, at the boundary of that zone, is an exception. More about them later. Get out of the way. Don’t stand in the doorway, don’t block up the hall. If you need time to make up your mind, step out of line while you read the menu. Do not approach the counter until you have your order and cash ready. There are two hundred people behind you who are just as hungry and frustrated as you. Have some empathy for them and don’t block traffic. Manage your crap on the bus. If you carry a laptop bag, backpack, diaper bag, or other large item, when you board mass transit, move it around to the front. This puts in your space, not someone else’s, and gives you better control of the item so you don’t accidentally hit someone with it. The move also makes it easier to grab a seat if one opens up, as you’ve already got your stuff ready to drop onto your lap. Do not expect room to be made for you. If you’re pregnant, elderly, or visibly disabled, people will look you right in the eye from the reserved seat with the big sign above it and utterly fail to move their rude ass. If I had a nickel for every massively pregnant woman I saw nearly fall down as the train or bus lurched, in the one year I lived there, I could retire today.

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New York City

The Rules

India was easier. New York City was a goddamn challenge. I lived there for a year, initially couch surfing in Brooklyn, Queens, and Washington Heights, while I looked for a place, then living in the Bronx. First, let’s look at The Rules for NYC.

If you have access to a bathroom, use it.: This is absolutely the most important rule of NYC. You do not know when the next chance will be. Most businesses have combination locks on their bathrooms, to keep the homeless out. Ignore their crying and whining about junkies shooting up, it’s a lot more rare than everybody thinks. Bathroom locks are just capitalism refusing to allow people to attend to body functions without paying for it. New York City builds subway stations with no bathroom access from the platform, and then complains that the subway stations all smell like piss. They build neighborhoods with no alleys and then complain about the garbage being piled on the sidewalk for pickup. NYC makes most of its own problems.; If you are at a fast food place, and you need to pee before you stand in the line, look for the hijabi behind the counter and tell her you need to wash. She'll give you the door code. Note that failure to turn back up and buy something is a massive faux pas. Do not abuse her faith or her trust.
Do not buy street food within five blocks of Times Square.: First, you'll pay tourist prices for it. Second, either it's bougied up with truffle oil or some shit, or it sucks. The dollar pizza, at the boundary of that zone, is an exception. More about them later.
Get out of the way.: Don’t stand in the doorway, don’t block up the hall. If you need time to make up your mind, step out of line while you read the menu. Do not approach the counter until you have your order and cash ready. There are two hundred people behind you who are just as hungry and frustrated as you. Have some empathy for them and don’t block traffic.
Manage your crap on the bus.: If you carry a laptop bag, backpack, diaper bag, or other large item, when you board mass transit, move it around to the front. This puts in your space, not someone else’s, and gives you better control of the item so you don’t accidentally hit someone with it. The move also makes it easier to grab a seat if one opens up, as you’ve already got your stuff ready to drop onto your lap.
Do not expect room to be made for you.: If you’re pregnant, elderly, or visibly disabled, people will look you right in the eye from the reserved seat with the big sign above it and utterly fail to move their rude ass. If I had a nickel for every massively pregnant woman I saw nearly fall down as the train or bus lurched, in the one year I lived there, I could retire today.